Tuesday, Tuesday, no good to me...

Someone recently suggested that perhaps I would feel better if I kept a journal. OK, why not. I have a blog, and no one reads it, so why not?

First topic: Nightmares/Night Terrors/Bad Dreams... Been having alot of them lately, and they are making it very hard to sleep. I won't go into sleep deprivation, it's the internet, look it up if you care.

WARNING!!! The following is a graphic description of my most disturbing, and most common dream. If you are squeamish, do not read it. Yes, I'm serious.

I find myself with my left hand wrapped around a persons throat. I have big hands, and they are capable of immobilizing many people by gripping the throat. While standing over them, I am repeatedly punching them in the face. I seem to be summoning strength I don't normally have, as not only can they not escape my left hand grip, every blow to the face causes significant trauma. Not a black eye, not a broken teeth, but I can feel and hear facial bones shattering. Each blow not only causes trauma to the persons face, but I can also feel my own fingers crack and break. each blow brings more pain, and more trauma until the person I am hitting no longer looks like a person. The bone shards beneath have shredded the skin, and the skull has collapsed to the point I am now punching the relatively soft brain tissue beneath the shards. My left hand retains a iron grip on the throat, but there is no struggle anymore, and my right hand is a lump of shattered metacarpal bones and connective tissue. It somehow retains a fist-like shape, and keeps landing blows. Blows that are orders of magnitude more powerful that I can deliver, but the damage doesn't lie. A few more punches, and the body goes limp. The computer has shut down, and I am hitting what amounts to a flesh punch bowl filled with blood, brains, and bone shards, yet I still don't stop. I slowly become aware of screaming, but the person no longer has a face, let alone a mouth to scream out of. The I realize the screaming is me.

I usually wake up at that point.

If there is anyone left reading, I feel compelled to mention that this scene is no more gruesome than some of the more extreme gore/horror films I have seen, but it's not the visual that is the most bothersome. Since this is a dream, my awareness seems to be greatly heightened. I can feel every bone in my hand break. I can feel every snap of the facial bones. I can feel the twitch of the body beneath me as the life is ripped from it. I smell the blood...I TASTE the blood. When I wake up, my right hand is tense and sore. And I sit on the side of my bed, and slowly come back to reality. Slowly. While in the shower, I check my hands for blood, and injury. There isn't any, thankfully, but I feel compelled to check. Some mornings, I'm halfway to work before I begin to feel normal, and it's lunch time before I have settled into my day.

Then comes the inevitable. Darkness falls, and it's time to go back to bed.

I don't want to do this anymore. More when I am ready.

It's beginning to look alot like...

Procrastination, anyone?

Yeah, so I'm sitting here in the local coffee shop, talking to a friend about his computer. He needs to clean off some crap-ware that showed up a few weeks ago. I told him that it should be easy, and not take very long. We then started to talk about the pros and cons of tablets when a mutual friend came in, sat down, and hijacked the entire conversation. Now normally, I wouldn't give a shit, but a few things about this bothered me today...

1. They both work in a branch of health care, and they started talking about experiences at work that were frankly, disgusting. Washing people who don't have the ability to do it themselves, etc. I'll spare you.

2. This person in infamous for her desire to be the constant center of attention. She has been this way for as long as I have known her, and I have never, repeat never seen her just sit and listen. Sometimes she presents the appearance of such, but it's always because she's pissed that she's not the center of attention, and she's moping. Fucking tedious doesn't even come close to an accurate description.

3. He let her hijack the conversation we were having. Didn't politely ask her to wait a few while we finished our topic, he just turned to her, and started talking like I had just been beamed back to the Enterprise...

All of this is not unheard of in this generation, they can be more than a little self centered sometimes, but it doesn't end there.

Two more friends walk in a few minutes later, and came over to say hi. I had something I wanted to show them on my computer, and they said they wanted to see it, (A short video piece) but they wanted to get their coffee. They left, and never came back. The walked over to another table, sat down, and have been ignoring me for the last 45 minutes....Sure wish I knew what I said or did to make myself effectively invisible. It could come in handy in certain circumstances.

Family tedium continues, for anyone following. Nothing changes, and nothing is going to change.

More to follow later, but I have to run and pick up the boy.